Sunday, October 02, 2005

Soulmate !

"…Natural selection acts only by taking advantage of slight successive variations; she can never take a great and sudden leap, but must advance by short and sure, though slow steps." - Charles Darwin.

This statement by Charles Darwin made a deep impact on me, considering the fact that he has written it about evolution itself. According to me, this statement is analogous to any situation faced by mankind on the planet earth, the most intriguing of all being, "love". Pardon me when I compare "love" (I believe it is the most abstract emotional pandemonium faced by mankind) with something very scientific like evolution.

The crux of my comparison has lot to do with ecstatic couples all over the world who are in total bliss when they are with each other. I tend to question, what phenomenon binds them so strongly? The strongest bond I can think of is a "covalent bond" which requires a very high energy to break free from. I am sure, if I tell this to anyone stricken by the love bug would sneer and tell me "get a life man...". Well, now I am determined to decipher this cryptic concept and to establish an explanation for the success of the concept of "soulmate".

Science drives me to approach this by asking the three basic questions "what?", "Who?" and "why?". I wish to answer these questions to finally help me make revelations on why I am still alone!!

As a concept, finding a soulmate is establishing the interdependent nature of our lives. Its true, very few people can live by themselves. So a soulmate is the one who would be with you no matter what. Ok that seems fair considering the fact that these lovebirds do not let a whiff of air between them (I meant physically, predominantly).
A companion you can rely on to share your most intimate secrets and the most trivial of facts with.

The next question is, according to me the most cryptic to answer. My observations on this is very vague. People go about various different ways of determining "Who?". The most common solution to this is "arranged". Well I am not against it at all because I have seen most of the successful "soulmates" brought together this way. Their explanation "We learn to love". Well, I think this is a very scientific approach to go about establishing a relation ship. Let me give you the reasons for this. Most relationship is like a task provided to you. The problem of most people is their escapist attitude. They just want to run away from a place when they are faced with a problem. Well, this category typically does not have an escape route! I say they are all the better for it because it brings out the best in them. They want to "make it work" and that is why they are very successful at it. The other category, when posed with a question on how they got together, they do not have a definite answer for that. "I guess we were destined to find each other" comes the general reply. Well deliberating on this I find that this is based on a very unlikely probability. Mathematically the chance that a person like me would find someone in this manner is limit --> 0. So miniscule and obscure that I have assumed that it is never going to happen!!

One of the important criteria to analyze this myth is "How?" does the mutual feeling last? Well, after a lot of brainstorming, I have collected a lot of important facts that matter. Firstly, to be with your soulmate is more like pulling a person into your circle of trust. You might find a very hilarious illustration of this fact if you have watched "Meet the Parents". Robert deNiro has very articulately enacted a character who places his would-be son-in-law, the soulmate of his daughter outside his family's circle of trust and tries his best not to let him anywhere near the periphery. Though this is something unrelated to a couple's circle, in our country, it is very much the case. Secondly, I have understood that in a relationship, the most important factor would be to "manage expectations". How profound is that phrase?!! I believe this is a crux of any successful relationship and if you want to be in one, this is the mantra.

To sum it all up, the very process by the virtue of which a person becomes your soulmate is analogous to Darwin's statement. It is a slow process that just grows on you. You become so dependent that a point comes when it is impossible to break free.

But then again some of the answers are so contradictory that it makes me wonder. Like the other day, I asked a girl about the criteria on which she chooses her boyfriend. Well, she said, "he should make me laugh". I was totally appalled by that statement. Logically, the comedy sitcoms on television make me laugh, so does that mean your soulmate is television shows? I found that it is true. So many people are happy doing what they do like my friend (Who I am sure will marry the television someday) that the concept of a soulmate would be totally abstract to him.

Finally I am just as confused as ever! The solution to these questions seem very abstract and away from logical reasoning. Well, I am just ready to take a chill pill and wait for the day I meet my soulmate. Then, I would update you guys with the intricate details of the concept. For now, I will just go with Darwin on believe that "finding a soulmate" is like evolution. The answers are coming and I am definitely ready to wait for them.....


  • Last I heard, "Love" is a chemical reaction involving pheremones and hormones...
    I guess if u research in these lines, u wud find ur soulmate quicker than depending on evolution, which I think almost entirely depends upon when ur parents want to get u married...
    good luck anyways...

    By Anonymous Praveen, at 9:02 AM  

  • Quite true man... the main problem is to break free from the inertia to go try something!!! I seriously doubt if I have that in me... most guys for that matter... thanks for your wishes though...

    By Blogger prosaicblabber, at 8:24 PM  

  • kinda agree with darwin's statement you put at the top and ur explanations...though slow steps, these sometime sound very BIG... like marriage, the event itself ;-)... or finding your soulmate etc.,... on a bigger scale of things it might seem slow and short, but on the local scale it is huge... talking abt. bigger and local scales, i think i have something to post on that... will do that soon...

    yes, its all abt. the chromosomes...ithulu ellam ayudha ezhuthu surya thaan correct aana aalu... "its all about chromosomes, estrogen, androgen, testosterone, etc.,"...

    By Blogger NaiKutti, at 9:32 PM  

  • machs..

    ur posts have just the right amount of content..and much more to discuss...

    so, everytime, i start commenting and then realize, its getting too long...and have forgotten what i had to say..

    should not happen this time..nice post, again..

    true, it should grow on u...but when will you know for sure..that thats the cant be tending to infinity, ille...there should be a time limit...right..and in the "arranged" are more accepting than that good for the sense, its like saying "Thou shalt have 2 legs only" rather than man exploring the fact that he gets better vision by walking on 2...

    okay..too long a irukku..manichukko...i am not sure..anyway what i wanted to say in the 1st place...

    By Blogger The Constant Variable, at 4:20 AM  

  • Men always go for attractive ones no matter how educated they are...Women always go for virile, financially secure men no matter how dumb they are..

    Finally, it all boils down to..can the
    'by te icch' cook n 'not talk a lot'..and for the girls..can the guys 'let it have their way'...

    thambi, romba yosikathe...'every dog has its day'... we too will have one

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:19 PM  

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